I came across this Huffpost article titled I Want Someone To Put In As Much Effort As Me In a Relationship and as I read each line I was able to nod along in agreement and reflect on past relationships or guys that I've met and spent a short amount of time with.
So many times I find myself looking back after a relationship has ended and wonder "why the heck didn't I get out of this earlier?" Sometimes I think it's because I so desperately want to find the one, sometimes I think that maybe they'll change, and sometimes I just chose to ignore it and pretend like their actions or lack there of, didn't bother me.
Truth is, like I'm sure many people out there, we want someone who will put in as much effort as we are putting in to a relationship. Whenever I talk out loud to myself, because that's what I do when I'm in the car or sitting at home alone, is say that I want to meet someone who loves me as much as I love them, which I can honestly say I had once, but for just the first year of our almost three year relationship.
My last long term relationship was one I definitely stayed in for too long before he called it quits. I would spend many nights at his house helping him with yard work, cooking and watching his shows. Things that benefited him and made him happy.
"I’m not here just to fawn all over someone I adore exclusively; I want someone who will fawn all over me right back. I want someone who is ‘Team Me’, too."
Mean while I would share my dreams and ideas about designing t-shirts and selling them on Etsy. I remember the exact way he scoffed as we walked home from a Timberwolves event that I took him to because he loved basketball (worst.sport.ever.) and mocked my ideas. About a month after we broke up I ordered my first round of inventory, sold a shirt and later my shirts were picked up to be sold in a local boutique at two of their locations.
More recently I met someone where I felt the feelings were mutual but after a week things quickly changed to me doing things for him. Going to his place because he didn't have a car. Bringing pizza because he didn't have any food. Most embarrassingly, bringing him to the liquor store, then to his buddies as he quickly forgot he had just asked to spend the day together.
"What kind of idiot thinks that another person’s sole purpose in life is to serve him or her?"
I'm pretty sure my blinders go up the moment someone says they like me, but it's time those blinders come off and I wait for the person who will put in as much effort as me in a relationship and we can both cheer each other on in good times and in bad.
Now just to remember that when I meet someone who is asking for more than they are giving back.