Thursday, April 24, 2014

Check list

When I go on a date I go into it with an open mind. Knowing that there might be a few things that I don’t totally dig, but smallish enough that I should be able to work with.  

My requirements usually just start with these qualifying factors:
·         *Must have a job
·         *Must have a car
·         *No kids
·         *Not married

You would think those are pretty broad requirements but I have been proven wrong. The more dates I go on (which really isn’t that many these day), the more detailed my list of requirements get. Here are my reasons to swipe left or reply with a simple ‘thanks, but I just don’t think we’re a match’.
·        * Too short
·         *Too skinny
·         *Doesn’t like eggs
·         *Doesn’t like mayo
  (I love potato salad and you can’t have good potato salad without eggs and mayo)
·         *Doesn’t like lake water (aka no fun at the lake. Learned that one the hard way)
·         *Likes motorcycles (been there, done that. They terrify me now)
·         *Has cats
·         *Too muscular
·         *Not enough hair
·         *Red hair
·         *Really blonde hair
·         *Doesn’t like sports
·         *Likes sports too much
·         *Doesn’t like baseball
·         *Works odd hours
·         *Works on weekends
·         *Picks hanging out with their dog over you (however, I’ve been known to do this myself)
·         *Every picture has a dead animal in it
·         *Sends you emails/texts at 2:00 in the morning on a Tuesday
·         *Lives outside my work/home bubble
·         *Makes fun of country music
·         *Only listens to metal
·         *Only says ‘hi’

      Basically, I’d like to find myself in male form because we would like a lot of the same things, he’d wear nice shoes and baseball hats, would have a lovely smile, we’d eat cheese and wine and hang out with a herd of dogs while watching TBS marathon of Rom Com’s or listening to the Harry Belefonte Pandora station dancing around and laughing at ourselves.

      Now I want to listen to some Harry Pandora with a glass of wine and dance around with my dog then watch some Sleepless In Seattle. Looks like I have my Friday night planned out!

2 comments:

  1. hahaha love this. i feel like i have to come up with what my list has turned into! YIKES. A male version of me sounds amazing if I do say so myself.

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  2. I can't stop laughing at the "every picture has a dead animal in it"

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